Inventory
While I am by no means innocent when it comes to the naked human body I did find out I can still be surprised. B and I had been together for a while when the physical part of our relationship moved to the “naked” phase. An exciting time, to be sure, but this turned out to be almost more than I could handle.
It started with the phrase, “You may have noticed I only have one testicle.” In fact, I had not, but armed with this information I took a closer look. I found myself gazing at the saddest piece of male anatomy that I could imagine. It took everything I had not to shake my head and tell it, “Aw, you’ve had a hard life.”
Along with the single testicle, there was a deep dimple where some piece of surgical equipment had been inserted into the shaft during surgery (the testicle had herniated and been removed). He was circumsized at 5, so there was a very noticeable scar and odd pigmentation. Truly this little guy looked like he’d been through it all.
I met a friend for lunch later and had to relate this. We’d been talking about our recently discovered fact that the eye and the vagina were the only self cleaning organs. She suggested b had “self destructing” organs.
I then told her that his brother had been born with only one testicle and a seagull had nipped off the tip of his penis when he was little in some bazaar beach accident. We wondered if God hadn’t decided this genetic line needed to end, and I hoped B’s nephew wore a cup at all times.
Just when I had come to terms with the whole one-nut thing I got another curve ball. We were driving to the video store when he told me he’d have to show me his weird birthmark: A third, inverted, nipple. It seems his mom has 4 nipples and was concerned they’d all swell when she was breast feeding (they didn’t).
Now my friends say I should have potential dates fill out a questionnaire about their body parts and quantity early on.
It started with the phrase, “You may have noticed I only have one testicle.” In fact, I had not, but armed with this information I took a closer look. I found myself gazing at the saddest piece of male anatomy that I could imagine. It took everything I had not to shake my head and tell it, “Aw, you’ve had a hard life.”
Along with the single testicle, there was a deep dimple where some piece of surgical equipment had been inserted into the shaft during surgery (the testicle had herniated and been removed). He was circumsized at 5, so there was a very noticeable scar and odd pigmentation. Truly this little guy looked like he’d been through it all.
I met a friend for lunch later and had to relate this. We’d been talking about our recently discovered fact that the eye and the vagina were the only self cleaning organs. She suggested b had “self destructing” organs.
I then told her that his brother had been born with only one testicle and a seagull had nipped off the tip of his penis when he was little in some bazaar beach accident. We wondered if God hadn’t decided this genetic line needed to end, and I hoped B’s nephew wore a cup at all times.
Just when I had come to terms with the whole one-nut thing I got another curve ball. We were driving to the video store when he told me he’d have to show me his weird birthmark: A third, inverted, nipple. It seems his mom has 4 nipples and was concerned they’d all swell when she was breast feeding (they didn’t).
Now my friends say I should have potential dates fill out a questionnaire about their body parts and quantity early on.
posted by Liz at 10:20 AM
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