A Serious Note

Ah dating, tough enough when you've never been married, even more perilous when you or your partner have been divorced. Just a note on post divorce dating today, in case it helps someone out.

After my divorce a year ago I jumped into dating. I got hurt, a lot. And I left my own trail of bodies. Initially I wanted to think everything would be fine, like it was just a bad break up. But it wasn't. There were dreams and plans for the future that all went up in flames. I realized I didn't really believe in love for me anymore...and that was the most depressing feeling ever. I'd cry at happy ending, which annoyed the heck out of me. But then one day it occurred to me that I could love again, but I doubted I'd ever marry again. And now, a year later, I'm open to even that possibility. I just needed time and some experience.

Now I've met someone who is just starting the process. We have lots in common, get along amazingly and find each other physically attractive...but he's in the "jumping right into it" phase. I knew this when I signed on, and did so because I think he's a good person, and will hopefully be a good friend.

The inevitable freak out happened a few days after our first official date, causing the second date to be postponed. We talked about it and decided to back way off and be friends. I like to think it helped him to have someone to talk to who'd been through the experience. We went to the movies and he really wasn't there, so I knew what was coming. He's got to spend some time in his own head, and figure out who he is outside of being a husband.

My point in all of this is that it's normal. It's the worst rebound ever, but it has to happen. So whether you are the person figuring out this new life or the person riding the roller coaster, just remember to breathe and talk. No one is being mean, and the hurt isn't intentional. It's just part of the dance and unfortunately it does hurt, but if you hang in there the hope is you make a friend.